I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
