Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Houston, we have a squirter
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
