Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
time to smoke my breakfast
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
