I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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