then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize