Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
