sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
