Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize