Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
as a side note pls kill me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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