I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
