Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is the high leading the old right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
