I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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