All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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