I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dick very happy bro
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
