I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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