So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
