I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
