Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
