There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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