Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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