This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
