that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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