I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she looked like the before picture.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
