i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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