if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
