dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
