My hair reeks of homosexuality.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
