she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
