i think my tv is drunk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
