I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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