On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
