fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
