So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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