theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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