I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
