I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
