he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
