Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
