I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
