Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
