Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
