you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
