Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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