fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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