Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
