look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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