just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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