Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
