May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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