yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
