addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
