We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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