tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
