I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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