You just made me feel so damn special
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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