Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
