"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
