forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
