my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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