Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
