i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
