that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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