Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I smell stomach acid.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
