I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize