the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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